It requires great humility to take the first step towards change. That first step is admitting to yourself:
"I have done all this and I must undo it. But I have no idea how I did this so I must surrender to something else".
Here's a thought, and I ask that you consider it well, what if the life you're living and each experience that has come to you was sent to you for you to deepen your self awareness and to support you in releasing the mental and emotional conflict that you carry?
What if the very things you are resisting are the very things you need for your homecoming?
Keep in mind that your mind Is a magnet. If you think of blessings you attract blessings and if you think of problems you attract problems. Always cultivate good thoughts and remain hopeful and optimistic. These energies/behaviours are deeply conditions within us and even if we have learnt to have anything other, we can change.
It is possible. All of it. From our mental conditioning to our emotional conditioning. They can be moulded to whatever we wish. And lastly, whatever you are not taking repsonsibtiutly for when it comes to you, you are choosing.
If I can be of any service to assist you to a better healthier way of self, just reach out.
Always at your service,